Divorce · Long-suffering

Finding Light in Spite of Darkness

Friends, there’s no doubt some dark lonely days will come your way because of your divorce, in fact today was one of them for me. I work hard daily, either for my daughter or my career and most times I’m just simply exhausted. The work week has ended and I go to dinner alone, have a drink alone, come home…and again…I’m alone (well, with the exception of my pup who is happily awaiting my arrival).

I honestly can’t tell you that one day it will get better because I’m in the midst of it all it doesn’t feel like it will. The end of May would have marked a year since the moving truck took me away from all I had ever known marriage to be, my security and safe place, my home. A lot happened that day that tore me to pieces and honestly I don’t think those pieces of me will ever be found again. One thing I do know is that I survived; picked myself up off the ground I had been force face-planted into, bandaged my wounds and eventually healed. There are visible scars and my heart will never be the same but I have accepted that and I am finding my way to peace again with being alone for perhaps the remainder of my days. I know it sounds hopeless but actually it’s not. When I first came into this new found freedom, my heart was pretty wide open but then reality struck and I had a wake up call. I’m nearing my forties with a young child and the world around me is rushing by, I find myself in a place where I have been set back and now I’m starting over again. There are inevitable milestones that happen throughout life. For example, in your early twenties you go to college, start learning about life and living on your own. Late twenties you start a career. Early thirties start actually dating seriously and possibly find the love of your life/marriage and have children. Then there’s late thirties…people are rooted into everything from their careers to having an established family that they are focused on building, exploring, and bonding with. Then there is me, I’m having to face the fact that there simply aren’t available quality people my age that are eager to find someone like me. The older you get it’s hard to reverse back to the milestones that are intended for those age groups, all I can do is basically keep moving forward and focus on the things that matter most to me, my daughter, she’s my world.

Tell me how you go through the dark lonely days and find light? For me I enjoy spending time with family and friends, writing these blogs, writing lyrics to music, hanging out at my favorite coffee shop or just simply watching a heart-warming movie with my pup.

My heart goes out to those who are feeling the pain because I know how much it hurts. Hugs to you if you are one of those struggling today and I pray you find the peace needed to get through one more day.

Lots of love,

Jennifer

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