Divorce · Lessons Learned · Love · Peace · Self-control

The Screaming Silence

I can’t wait to hear the waterfall of laughter my daughter brings to me! That sound fills me up with joy like the pool water a waterfall creates!

Nine straight days of fun-filled holiday bliss, a few tantrums and frustrating moments in-between and a whole lot of giggles. Then in a few short minutes it all comes to a halt as the ex picks up my daughter for his entitled custodial days are here. As they drive away and I shut the door to my house, the anxiety releases (because I was scared out of my mind that she was going to bust her face on her new scooter before he arrived; she’s a little daredevil) and the tears started swelling up in my eyes as the silence begins screaming in my ears.

Many people tell me “you’re so lucky to have your kid part-time because you get to have some time alone” but they don’t understand the emotional roller coaster that her leaving puts me through. Even though it is hard as hell to have the endless patience for a wild emotional toddler, the joy she brings me with her presence surely outweighs the little bit of peacefulness I have in the moments alone.

In this round of time away, she will only be with him for a few days before I have her again for another five. They call this the 2-2-5 schedule, we each have her 50 percent of the time.

While she is away, I spend most of my time catching up with the things I had to set aside so I could focus on her, like writing in my blog which I’m very behind because of the holidays and I can’t wait to share about our vacay experience with y’all! I also finish up laundry, clean the mess around the house and grocery shop to name only a little of my free time chores.

As you know, your time with your little one(s) is on and off again like a frozen waterfall shown in the picture above. Frozen in time are the waterfalls I found on my hike along a trail during our vacation in New York State last week. The silence filled the air from the missing rush of water that once was heard from the waterfall but only will this silence be temporary because the water will soon thaw and the beauty it beholds will come rushing back again just like when your child is back in your arms after days of being apart.

To you all that are experiencing the “screaming silence” right now and are waiting to hear the beautiful tune of your child’s laughter again, be patient in this time away and focus on the things that you can do to revive your soul within. Meditate, breath in the fresh air, go for walks in the sunshine, read a heartwarming book or listen to your favorite music (or write some lyrics of your own, like I do!) but remember that the beautiful rush of the lovely waterfall sounds will be filling you up again soon when your little one is back in your arms again!

Blessings to you all and with all my love,

Jennifer

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