Let’s give men some more credit than assuming the usual that “he’s just thinking with his other head” because when a man makes an assessment of a possible relationship that he may pursue, logic is the first thing that comes into mind and we as ladies should be doing the same.
This was a little lesson I learned today from my special friend. It became clear to me when he applied some logic to why he wasn’t pursuing me and those key factors (that I was simply ignoring) are the reasons why I was getting hurt! Men tend to focus on the logic verses what their heart could feel and that logic always prevents a man from “going there” or feeling anything emotional with a woman, maybe it’s an immediate defense mechanism. This way of thinking is one thing that I have never learned to adapt but I know now this is how I should be thinking.
It doesn’t matter if you are the most beautiful, funny, witty and intelligent woman on the planet. If he doesn’t see being with you as making a whole lot of sense he will not pursue you but in any case having sex or sexting is certainly the one thing he will be willing to do. I have always had a fairytale romantic way of thinking, love can conquer all and in any instance anything is possible. For example, if I met someone from another state, the first thing he is going to think is “this can’t work because we simply live in two separate locations”, hence the logic. Me, on the other hand is thinking with my heart, “yeah we live in separate states but we can still build upon something that can be beautiful and possibly stronger than if we were near each other in person through communication, patience and eagerness to be together”. Hell people do it all the time, think about those miliary boyfriends/husbands away on active duty.
Some of you ladies may already think logically like a man but those of you that lead with your heart should try this way of thinking on for size. Join me in the first steps, these are things I have heard over and over again from my closest friend Melissa, so let’s take her advice together.
1. Thoughtfully write down a list of what you want in a relationship. Be sure to include the “Must Haves and Deal Breakers”. Below are some things to consider when making this list.
- Make sure your morals, principals and personal compasses are on the same pathway in life (if you are going North and he is going South. It isn’t gonna work!). Remember religious views are very important also. They are the foundation of who a person is and how they were raised, it’s imbedded in them more so than you think.
- If your intuition detects a red flag and good friends see it too, stop at once and move on.
- Take a moment to think about if he balances you? Is he able to respond to you (and your crazy) in a way that brings you ease and comfort or does his responses make you twist up into a roaring tornado?
- Think about your interaction together. Is he pursing you? and why? If he is only referencing sexual stuff or wanting to meet up for a “chat on the couch” at 10 pm he’s really not interested in knowing you and your heart!
- No one is perfect, get over yourself if you think you are! Sometimes there are things about him that you may not be particularly fond of. Just be aware of those things and assess them accordingly. If you can’t see yourself living with those things (that you don’t like about him) you should move on because they only amplify when you are years into a relationship or marriage.
- Make sure you like their family too. Even if you think he is a completely different person from who they are, he more than likely thinks like them and is influenced by them as well. Also, intrusive families are something you should think about, are you okay with them always being around?
- Are your views on sex and romance the same? This is something that you will discover over time, so don’t rush into this one. Most relationships/marriages fail because this is lacking and both partners aren’t on the same page. Make sure there’s a lasting desire for each other and that it’s deeply rooted into your hearts and your love fills up each other’s empty spaces.
- Very importantly, don’t think you can change him! Start your relationship with no expectations to change him too. If he is not the romantic type, don’t think that magically he is going to sing to your heart with a beat you have been waiting on. Be happy with who he is now because what you see is what you get!
2. Stick with your list when meeting someone new.
3. Take it slow and again don’t place expectations on the new found friendship. Let it naturally blossom into the love you have been waiting on (or not, if he doesn’t meet the items on your list then he is to stay in friendship status) and be sure to get to know him well. Dig deep and make sure you expose all of each other’s skeletons in each other’s closets.
All in all have fun learning about each other and don’t be afraid to love. It’s okay to love a friend if that’s all it ends up being. Be brave, be strong and keep your focus on what is logically the right man for you. Comment below, I would love to hear your “must haves” or “deal breakers” in a relationship.
Blessings to all.
With all my love,